Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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