I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
