Dual....:-)
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize