didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
