the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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