She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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