She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
