Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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