Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
