My hand turned me down
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
