there's paper in my vomit.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
