pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
