i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
