Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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