Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
