That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
