is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize