Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
