You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
