my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
two words...techno handjob
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize