ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
