If i come over, it means nothing
White coat. Heels.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Randomize
