I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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