I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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