So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
