census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My ATM looks so different sober.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
