yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
