My sheets look like a crime scene.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize