He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
