At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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