pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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