Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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