Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
