dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
