im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
