If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
