After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
