I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
