You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
