I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
