my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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