there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
