i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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