Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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