watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why do cheetos always look like penises
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
