and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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