I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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