i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
