I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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