I faked an abortion last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
