when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
