and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize