i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
