just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
