Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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