I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
