**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
