I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
