Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
