I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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