Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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