when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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