wrigley field is MILF paradise
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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