just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Drake has all the answers
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
