we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
North Korea, Best Korea!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
