I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
