you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize