Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
