Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
