Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
