a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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