YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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