Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize