i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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