fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
