A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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