12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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