Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
