I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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